Email Anxiety

Time and again I go through our conversations

Time and again I realise why you left

Or why I let you go away

It wasn’t there, to begin with,

But every time I go back to it now, there’s a sense of guilt

Could I have stopped you from drifting away?

Could I have asked you to stop and stay?

Could I have held your hand one more time

And asked you to leave him and be mine?

Could I have just locked eyes with you

Just like all my fictional love stories?

Is it possible all this can happen now?

Can you leap across this empty vacuum, into the interstellar space?

Or are you still scared of your comfort zone caving in?

I try to remember you,

All I can think of is a voice

A trembling voice of a person too scared to talk

I see a face with no expressions

Your soul is long gone, with the body left as is

Still, I feel a sense of terror whenever I see you

You were standing there, in flesh and blood

Yet your eyes seemed pretty lifeless

Like the Qilin Grindelwald had killed

Do you feel like this too?

Is there a sense of guilt inside you too when you see me?

When I brush past you smiling

Or when I silently walk alone out of the mess

Wearing my earphones, away from the world

Or when I’m walking alone at night

Lost in my thoughts, disconnected,

Apparated to a different world

Do you see me and feel the same?

Do you go through our conversations time and again?

Or have you given up on me, on us?

I suppose that would be the better thing to do

You haven’t been wrong in doing things, ever

I’ve tried forgetting you

I’ve tried new people

I’ve tried old people

I’ve tried a lot of people and I’ve even tried loneliness

Nothing suits me better than you do

It was strenuous to live with you in my life

It is preposterous to live without you

All I try to do is go on every day

Get over you every day

I’m with you every single day

I relive you every single day

I’m happy for that slight moment every single day

I forget you a little more every single day